


Please don't go, please don't go, I love you so, I love you so

by Ellstra



Series: Love on the workplace [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, snoke is a bitch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-05-17 02:26:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5850307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellstra/pseuds/Ellstra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux can tell when Kylo gets one of his fits. Sometimes all Kylo needs is Hux's kiss and embrace. And they work; they work better than ever and they try to deny it but each other is the best thing they ever had.<br/>But being in love and happy is not always what your mentor wants for you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please don't go, please don't go, I love you so, I love you so

**Author's Note:**

> The name of this story is from the song 'Breezeblocks' by alt-J

“My troops will be able to perform all tasks with efficiency, it won’t affect any mission,” Captain Phasma tapped on a panel in front of her to show the General some graphs and statistics. “We are, however, short on soldiers, Sir. We were able to evacuate a large number of them but the loss was still great. It will take years to fill in the number.”

“Is there anything I could do, Captain?” Hux asked and tried to ignore the pressure in his brain. He will have to listen to it but as far as he could tell, it hadn’t reached its peak yet. Not that he wasn’t grateful for knowing when Kylo’s stress and anger levels elevated and for being able to stop him from destroying things around him. The problem was that Kylo was constantly stressed or angry. It was starting to get the better of Hux.

“We need new infants,” Phasma stated and slid her finger across the screen to show Hux a figure. “And it would be beneficial if the troops didn’t have to operate in big numbers, therefore could use more time for training.”

“Do you have a preferred planet of origin for these infants?” Hux still wasn’t sure how to feel about stealing babies from their homes. They tried to take as many as possible from orphanages since there wasn’t the risk of parents trying to get the children back, but it won’t be enough this time if they didn’t want to raid dozens of planets. Meanwhile, something upset Kylo. Hux had to rub his temple.

“I do not,” Phasma noticed Hux’s discomfort. She knew what it meant at this point. She didn’t know how or why Hux got headaches when Kylo Ren was about to go into a fit – and she was certain she didn’t really want to know – but she knew there wasn’t much time left when Hux wasn’t able to conceal it.

“You have my permission to take a shuttle and a troop to acquire these infants,” Hux nodded, “I’ll send authorization to the dock. Please report there in two hours.”

“Thank you, sir,” Phasma stood up and put her helmet on.

“Dismissed,” Hux sent her away and stood up himself. _I’m coming, Kylo,_ he thought and tried to locate the source of his headache. He wasn’t sure whether Kylo actually heard his silent soothing and words of endearment and he didn’t dare to ask. _Hold on, I’m coming to get you_.

There was a stir in the course of the Force and Hux hoped maybe Kylo picked up his words. _Where are you?_

Hux felt himself guided through the ship. Kylo didn’t tell him where he was but the Force always brought them together.

He found Ren in his quarters, which was surprising. Kylo was usually calm, almost content surrounded by his Darth Vader memorabilia and the mess he called his belongings. Not this time though.

He was lying in his bed fully clothed, with even his shoes on. Hux felt grateful that at least his mask was on the floor. Kylo was curled into a ball and quivered. His face was to the wall but Hux could tell he was crying.

“Kylo,” he whispered and knelt down beside the bed. “I’m here.”

Kylo didn’t acknowledge his presence but Hux knew he’d heard him. Kylo probably knew he was in the room before Hux even spoke.

“Do you want me to leave?” Hux had to ask. Once, he tried to help Ren but it turned out it was too much for the man. It didn’t turn out well. This time, Kylo shook his head a little, still facing away from the General. Hux sat down carefully and ran his fingers down Kylo’s arm.

“It’s okay,” he whispered while he played with Kylo’s hair. Kylo loved getting his hair played with, Hux knew, but he didn’t react to Hux’s fingers as he usually did.

“Phasma’s going to get some infants later on.” Hux knew Kylo was listening. Sometimes all the latter needed was not to be expected to do anything. Hux supposed talking to an unresponsive Kylo was still better than talking to himself. “There’ll be your favourite nebula to see tomorrow.”

Kylo quivered against Hux’s side.

“I’m hosting a dinner for a couple of officers tonight. Extremely annoying but the food should be good.” Hux babbled on. His mind was racing when searching for the right words. He knew telling Kylo he was supposed to come, that he should come, was a bad idea. On the other hand, he needed to be told he was wanted there, that Hux would feel much better if he came.

Hux was never really good at telling people the right things. It was all the more surprising that he was actually good at manipulating the masses and he still didn’t understand why he was able to talk to thousands of people when he couldn’t anticipate what effect his words might have on one single person. He knew talking to Kylo during one of his depressions was extremely tricky because he found it difficult to believe a word of what Hux was saying. That didn’t help. He could cause as much damage as good and the odds were not exactly in his favour.

“I wish I could rather stay here with you,” Hux mumbled and bent down to plant a kiss into Kylo’s hair. “They’re going to be boring and not even half as pretty as you are.”

Kylo moved a little and Hux thought he might be getting closer to calming his troubled lover down. He could see a part of Kylo’s face now. He moved the strands of black hair – some of them wet from tears and from Kylo sucking on them when he was distressed – off Kylo’s face and pecked the cheekbone he revealed.

“I got my coat dry-cleaned today,” Hux went on babbling, encouraged by Kylo’s response. “I want to wear it for the dinner today to look intimidating.”

A small smile crept on Kylo’s lips, and he sobbed, snuffled and a few more tears escaped his eyes. Hux smiled himself and brushed the tears away. He knew Kylo loved it when he made fun of himself when Kylo couldn’t. And his coat was their favourite topic.

“I’m not sure whether I should take my usual grey uniform or the fancy blue one,” Hux mused and pretended to think about it.

“But I guess they don’t deserve me in the blue,” he went on. “Blue is just for special people.”

Kylo relaxed a little. Hux felt his muscles loosen and smiled.

“How about I go there in the grey one and then change and come here to you in the blue one,” Hux went on. He saw Kylo contemplate the idea and moved forward to kiss him again.

“Don’t go,” Kylo whispered.

“I’m not going,” Hux promised. He made some time to spend with Kylo. He had turned his comm on highest priority calls only before he came to Ren’s room.

“Come here,” Kylo released the grip on his crossed arms and finally turned to face Hux.

“I’ll take my shoes off first,” Hux warned Kylo. He couldn’t risk scaring Kylo with sudden movements. He slipped out of his boots and climbed into the bed into Kylo’s arms. The first few times when Kylo didn’t want to be held and preferred to grasp Hux in his embrace, it surprised the General but it did make sense. He was the smaller one out of them after all.

They faced each other, their noses almost touching. Kylo’s eyes were still red and shiny and there were tearstains all over his cheeks. Hux reached forward and kissed the tip of Kylo’s nose. Kylo made a sound that was halfway between sob and giggle.

“You’re cute,” Hux mumbled as he kept kissing Kylo’s face. He could taste the salt of Kylo’s tears, fingers pressing into his back and warmth surrounding him. Half of the reason why he loved being the little spoon was the feeling that cold was just an abstract concept from another world.

Hux kissed Kylo on the mouth. Tenderly, just a flutter of his lips against Ren’s to ask for permission. Kylo yielded and they kissed properly. It still amazed Hux how pleasant it felt. He didn’t have much to go by but he’d never seen kissing as an enjoyable activity, it had always made him think of the sounds it made, of how silly it looked, of how many bacteria was involved. Not with Kylo though. He might be less in control of this affection than he had anticipated when he initiated it.

“I need you,” Hux breathed into Kylo’s mouth. “Please don’t let me go.”

Now, that was pathetic. He wasn’t even thinking about making Kylo feel important and loved anymore. He just really needed to say it. Wasn’t this why he was always told not to get too close to someone? Because he might become addicted to them? Well, as far as he could tell, it felt too good to let go. Which probably meant he was more attached to Kylo than he planned. And it was fucking up with his mind.

“I’m not letting you go,” Kylo mumbled, “I’m holding you, see?”

Hux nodded a little before he kissed Kylo again, hungrily this time. For a while he was worried he might have crossed the line and sent Kylo back into the void where he thought he was just a tool to be used, and he backed away. Kylo took control over the kiss though and attacked Hux’s mouth with fervour.

Hux’s hands were trapped between their chests. He grasped the fabric of Kylo’s robe to get some illusion of holding his partner. Kylo threw his leg across Hux’s and bent it to get his shin between Hux’s knees. They were pressed together so tight Hux felt locked and unable to move. If this was how Kylo finally does the inevitable and murders him, Hux was more then content to die. If only they were just a little bit less clothed.

Kylo’s hands crept down Hux’s back and he gripped the General’s butt. Kylo seemed to be very fond of it as far as Hux could tell. He was proud of himself.

“I need you too,” Kylo murmured and Hux allowed himself to believe it was true. He didn’t have much mental capacity to think though when Kylo’s hand ran down the back of his thigh.

“Why don’t you believe me?” Kylo stopped teasing Hux and looked the General in the eye.

“Nobody really needs me,” Hux replied.

“I do,” Kylo said and kissed Hux’s chin. “I do. I do. I do.”

“It’s enough for me that you say it,” Hux said and grazed his lips against Kylo’s again.

“No it’s not,” Kylo said, “I have to show you. I need to show you.”

Kylo flipped them so that he was now lying on top of Hux. He pulled himself up on his knees and looked at his lover’s face.

“Of course I need you,” Kylo said and started unbuckling the massive belt on Hux’s uniform. “Am I not more stable when you hold me close?”

Kylo removed the belt and reached for the hidden buttons on the collar of Hux’s uniform. It had taken him some time to find them the first time he tried to undress Hux. Now he could find them as easily as if they were his own.

“Have I not destroyed less of your equipment since you come to kiss me when I’m tense?” Ren murmured and removed his gloves to get a better feel of Hux’s skin. He leant down to reach for the General’s lips. He took the lower one between his teeth and grinned smugly when he drew a whine out of Hux. That trick always worked.

“I’m still a mess, you’re still insufferable and I still disagree with you about the clone army,” he went on as he unzipped Hux’s uniform. “You’re still a know-it-all and you still annoy me with how you look at me with disdain when I don’t pick up my clothes from the floor. I still want to punch you and I won’t stop doing that. But I need you.”

Kylo had always thought Hux didn’t wear anything under the uniform – it seemed so tight. That was until he saw Hux topless for the first time and realised that the buff, muscular torso Hux was trying to show was in fact an illusion. Instead, there was a white shirt and an undershirt so thin and delicate it must have cost a fortune. Hux was very picky about his clothes, Kylo realised. He opened the shirt and pushed the vest up to reveal Hux’s pale chest.

“I still think you’re a dirty liar,” Kylo whispered against Hux’s neck, “and sometimes I want to laugh at you because you’re so damn tiny.”

“And I want to hate you, and in a way I do,” Hux’s heart was pounding under Kylo’s hands.

“And I know it’s wrong, and it makes me feel guilty and it makes me hate you because you keep coming. Even when I push you away, you still come, no matter how much I hurt you. And I hate you because you’ve seen me cry and you make me feel weak. And I hate you because I need you and I know it will end bad.”

“Let me go then,” Hux hissed. He sounded a lot less convinced with Kylo’s lips pressed against his sternum.

“No. I won’t end well either way. I’m not giving up the only thing that makes me feel good,” Kylo looked at Hux. “We’re doomed, General. There’s no way for both of us to get out of this alive.”

“You could still save yourself, couldn’t you? You think I’m the one beyond saving, don’t you?” Hux’s hands found Kylo’s hips and gripped them tight.

“You are,” Kylo nodded, “but the thing is, if I let you go, I’ll go crazy.”

“So you’re saving yourself by crushing me,” Hux muttered, his eyes undecipherable.

“Yes.”

“That’s the most pathetic pessimistic bullshit I’ve ever heard from you and I’ve heard plenty,” Hux growled and suddenly, he took Kylo’s wrists and before he knew what he was doing, he pulled Ren under himself.

“We’re not doomed. You’re not sentencing me to death by being with me. I don’t come to you because you need me. I come to you because I need you and because you’re the only person I don’t worry about hurting.” Hux stretched Kylo’s hands above his head and held them there. “Understood?”

“Sometimes I almost believe I broke you,” Kylo chuckled, “but then you turn out to be just as cold and cruel as I thought.”  
“I can’t have you need me. You can need my body, you can need my words but you can’t need me.” Hux snarled and he lowered so close to Kylo’s it was difficult to concentrate on his features.

“I can’t control that,” Kylo objected.

“Then learn to,” Hux ordered, “you say you’re powerful with the Force. Learn how to control yourself. You can’t fail the way I failed.”

“You didn’t fail, Hux,” Kylo shook his head, “If it was anyone’s fault, it was mine.”

“I was in charge, I should have pushed you away, I should have made sure the scavenger girl never got here.”

“You know you couldn’t,” Kylo said softly and placed his hands on Hux’s back.

“Why do you feel so good when you’re so terrible?” Hux whispered and let go of Kylo’s wrists. “Why do you make me stay in bed when I should be working?”

“Because you’re just as bad and nobody else would let you anywhere near them.” Kylo smirked. “I’m not making you do anything.”

“You’re the worst person I’ve ever met.”

“I like to be on the top of everyone.”

“That’s the biggest lie I’ve heard you say,” Hux laughed and kissed Kylo again.

…

Kylo didn’t come to the reception dinner with Hux even though he felt much better. He said it was boring and snobbish and made sure Hux didn’t wear the blue uniform as he promised. He said he would go train with his saber or perhaps just work out after a day spent almost entirely in bed, and slapped Hux’s ass before leaving the General’s quarters.

The dinner was just as boring as Kylo predicted it would. Without a real competition for Hux there – or more precisely, someone who would dare oppose him – it was rather tedious and one-sided. Hux found his mind wandering off to Kylo and feeling pleasant, cool foam wrapping the spot when sometimes a headache occurred. He knew Kylo was content and relaxed and it made him a little jealous.

Finally the dinner was over, Hux’s dominance was established and his proposals and suggestions were accepted. He bade them goodnight and dismissed them with a smile that sent cramps into his facial muscles. When Kylo saw him like that, he burst out laughing and warned Hux it might stay. Hux punched him in the shoulder.

“Snoke’s expecting you,” Kylo said afterwards. He had his mask on but Hux had learnt to read him long before he got used to seeing his facial expressions. His gestures screamed tension and worry.

“Why?” Hux frowned. There wasn’t anything to discuss, Snoke hardly ever cared about what he was doing when they weren’t about to go into a battle and Kylo obviously realised it too.

“I don’t know,” Kylo shrugged, “Maybe he found a diamond mine that might fund another Death Star.”

“I’d better go find out,” Hux mused. He was alarmed even though he couldn’t tell what he had done wrong. Maybe it only now occurred to Snoke just how much money blew up into the air with Starkiller Base.

“Good luck,” Kylo brushed his hand against Hux’s back. It was a small gesture, almost imperceptible and accidental, but it meant a lot to Hux. He managed to hide the sentiment.

“Thank you,” he said, his voice uptight. He could hear Kylo snicker mirthlessly.

Snoke was already in the room, sitting in his huge throne. Hux often wondered what size Snoke actually was – was he as huge as his hologram, was he smaller, was he bigger? He didn’t when he faced the Supreme Leader, though. All he could think about was that somebody probably put milk in the food despite his lactose intolerance. Because why would he feel sick otherwise? He never felt nervous in Snoke’s presence.

“Supreme Leader,” he said and bowed his head a little.

“General,” Snoke’s voice sounded omnipresent. Hux’s bones vibrated with it and his blood rushed away from the sound. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling at all.

“I was informed that you were not reachable on your communicator today,” Snoke wasn’t a fan of empty chatter. “You are also said to be leaving your stations to wander in different directions. Is there an explanation for this?”

Hux’s throat was dry, his hands covered in cold sweat. He hadn’t expected this. He never asked Kylo – maybe it was his Snoke’s plan all the time? To see how strong Hux was. Not much, as far as he could tell. Lying wasn’t really an option there so he braced himself and prepared to say the truth.

“I was with Kylo Ren,” Hux liked to believe he sounded proud and strong. The truth be told however, he had no idea. “We’ve developed a connection that allows me to sense his distress and help him overcome it rather than release his frustration via destroying things in his close proximity.”

“How do people develop a connection like this, one might ask?”

Hux was sure it was a rhetoric question so he didn’t answer. He was proved right when Snoke went on.

“General, I don’t object to you having a romantic relationship. As long as it doesn’t interfere with your duties, you’re more than welcome to find a mate of your choosing.”

There was an enormous _but_ coming and Hux could already feel it suffocating him. His life wasn’t perfect since he and Kylo had become intimate, but it was a lot more pleasant and there were times when he felt happy, utterly happy and invincible. This bubble was now collapsing around him and there was nothing he could do to prevent it.

“I must however ask you to break off your association with Kylo Ren. Not only did you let it affect your working schedule, it has left him… distracted. He must not be distracted.” Snoke leaned forward to look more intimidating. Something broke inside Hux and burnt his fear to ashes. He had given up everything for the First Order. The little he actually had, he surrendered. And now they wanted to take the only thing he had found there that made it good.

“He has grown more stable since he has me,” Hux said coldly. _Since he has me_ , he said and he meant it. Not _since we’re together, since we’re associated. Since he has me_ , because that was the truth. Hux realised with remorse that he could not say that he had Kylo. Kylo was always there when he asked and gave in quite willingly, but Hux couldn’t say he was convinced Kylo did it for him. It felt more like Kylo was just taking whatever he wanted – and it bothered Hux that he felt sad and upset by it. Didn’t he start his relationship with Kylo to use it as a stress release tool? Well, he failed quite cardinally there.

“I’ve been able to prevent countless of his outbursts that could have resulted in him damaging First Order’s property. You can consult his doctor on this.”

“He’s weaker thanks to your _care_ , General,” Snoke’s words felt like a slap. “Yes, he is less prone to fits of rage. He has found an anchor in you and is calmer than he has been since he was a child.”

Hux couldn’t see how that was a bad thing. And he was also feeling extremely proud of himself. He hadn’t known this and it made him hopeful. That meant Kylo hadn’t plotted with Snoke to seduce Hux. For some reason, he really wanted to be close with the General.

“He needs his anger,” Snoke spoke quietly but it seemed like he was screaming, “His anger is what makes him powerful and unique. I can’t have you taming him for your purposes. I order you to let Kylo Ren go.”

“It’ll break him,” Hux wasn’t very convinced about that but he was desperate. If it breaks someone, it’ll be Hux, but he had the feeling he was the expendable one, not Kylo. He was just a General. Intelligent and vicious, sure, but what would he be worth if he were broken? Nothing. Kylo was the one Snoke really needed.

“It will,” Snoke admitted, “Perhaps it will make him stronger than before.”

“He won’t be human if you do that to him,” Hux objected. He was close to his breaking point but he couldn’t stop. He understood just how little he had actually comprehended his mess of feelings for Kylo. They were stronger than he cared to admit and they threatened to finally choke him, like he knew they would.

“I don’t need a human, I need a weapon. Humans are everywhere, weapons are made with delicacy and effort, at a great cost,” Snoke leaned forward to eye Hux. “You of all people should know that, General.”

“Sometimes, when you break a weapon, it won’t work anymore,” Hux said.

“I’ve had enough of your allegories,” Snoke cut him off. “Go before I decide you’ll follow the fate of your predecessor.”

“I ask for permission to leave,” Hux clutched his fists so hard it hurt even through his gloves.

“Granted,” Snoke replied, “go straight to your quarters. Don’t attempt to talk to Kylo Ren. I will inform him of the termination of your… affiliation.”

Hux nodded and turned around. He had to put all his mental strength into keeping his pace civilised even though he knew Snoke would find out about whatever emotion made it to the surface first anyway. Suddenly, Hux felt an extreme urge to take Kylo’s lightsaber and smash something with it.

Somehow he made it out of the audience room before tears rose to his eyes.

…

Kylo knew something was awfully wrong when his left temple, the spot that was always warm and soothing ever since it made its nest there, started to pound. It started off with a sharp stabbing pain he could dismiss but then it turned out into a consistent alarmed scream. Hux was upset – more than Kylo had experienced him to be since their connection emerged. Something went wrong and Kylo had a bad feeling that he may not be able to do anything about it.

He stopped with his exercise since he wasn’t able to ignore the nagging anyway. He put all his clothes back on, arranged his hair under his mask and set out to find Hux. He felt he owed him as much.

_“Come to me, apprentice.”_

The command made Kylo stop dead in his tracks. Snoke never spoke to him with too much kindness, especially not since he pulled Kylo to the dark, but he was never harsh. This time though, his voice was like a saw to Ren’s mind. Now something was really wrong.

Kylo knew Snoke had to be aware of his and Hux’s relationship. He tried to hide his feelings and emotions from his master but he knew Hux was left vulnerable to the omnipresent scanning. Kylo just never quite believed Hux would feel so strong about him to raise Snoke’s attention. As far as Kylo knew, he wasn’t forbidden to have a physical relationship so there must have been something that alarmed the Supreme Leader. For a fraction of second Kylo felt happy that Hux’s emotions for him seemed dangerous but then he realised what it could have meant.

 _He’s going to kill Hux_.

It was a brief thought, just barely there. Kylo sped up. Maybe he could negotiate. Hux was by far the most competent General the First Order could hope to have. He was smart – and not just books smart but people smart too. He could mesmerise a crowd just as easily as other people fall asleep (not Hux though. Hux had the worst case of insomnia Kylo had ever seen.) Hux was ruthless when it came to obliterating the enemy and patient with his subordinates. He always had a plan, even in the least predictable situation, and then two more to back it up. Hux was a genius.

Kylo Ren burst into the audience room. He took a couple of very energetic and confident strides before the air in the room began to crush him. He slowed down and stopped at his usual spot.

“Supreme Leader,” he didn’t take his mask off. Maybe he should have but he didn’t want to risk having his emotions on a display.

“Kylo,” Snoke made it sound like a slur. That didn’t help at all. It also sounded really pissed, at least for Snoke. “Have you recovered from your injuries already?”

Kylo was puzzled. It had been months, of course he recovered. The medics helped him a lot, just like the Force. He hadn’t wanted to go to see a doctor at first but Hux forced him. Kylo could have protested, sure, but something in Hux’s tone had stopped him. That was long before they grew really close, before they felt comfortable with sleeping in each other’s beds and before they trusted the other to prepare food for them.

“Yes,” Kylo said simply because there wasn’t much else that he could say anyway, was there? Talking about Hux didn’t seem wise, at least not until Snoke brought him up himself.

“So you can leave and come to me to finish your training,” Snoke didn’t even pretend to pose it as a question. Why would he on the other hand? Why would you take an apprentice and not finish his training?

“Of course,” Kylo replied and his voice crackled. He hoped his mask concealed it but he realised he was doomed anyway.

“I must admit I was expecting you to come to me sooner. You used to ask me to teach you everything before your time and now when you’re ready, you’re neglecting me.” Snoke pointed out. Kylo was screwed. The truth be told, he didn’t even think about it. He concentrated on his healing, on keeping himself in shape and... well, yes, on Hux.

“I have learned that patience is a virtue,” Kylo knew being a smartass probably wasn’t the best tactics. He just got so used to being comfortable with snarks and cheeky comments he didn’t realise this wasn’t a game with Hux. This wasn’t foreplay where his words would be punished by a few slaps.

“Ah yes, I have heard of your acquired self-control.” Kylo couldn’t tell whether Snoke was being sarcastic or not. “General Hux has become an important part of your life.”

Kylo had noticed quite early that Snoke really liked to listen to himself. There had never lived a person who would produce so many rhetorical questions. Ren knew Hux hated them. Why would you ask something when you don’t want to hear the answer?

“He’s a distraction, Kylo.”

“He keeps me focused. He helps me control myself.” Kylo protested weakly.

“He takes your fire away.” Snoke shook his head. “You need your anger and passion.”

Kylo swallowed the words forming on his tongue. He didn’t want to be angry or hateful. Rage gave him great power but it only came in floods; Hux showed him a way of keeping it all the time. He had never felt more balanced and less tempted by the light than now. He didn’t need the light because he finally felt comfortable in his own skin. He didn’t need to push himself to the dark, he just was there, halfway between light and dark, using the best of both. Hux wasn’t a distraction; Hux was an anchor that held him in place.

“I feel more powerful than ever,” Ren said defiantly. He didn’t feel like he would be able to express all the other things.

“You’re growing stronger,” Snoke admitted, “and you could have so much more. You need to get rid of your involvement with General Hux.”

“What would you have me do?” Kylo asked. Only then it occurred to him he might not like the answer.

“Kill him.”

Kylo’s world shattered. Was killing his Father not enough? It broke Kylo almost into pieces – he could never hope to survive killing Hux with his mind intact. He hadn’t known how he’d felt about Father and he’d thought it might help him find the peace he was searching for since he was a child. But Hux… He needed Hux.

“As you command,” he said and his voice was hollow. If Hux were to die though, Kylo would prefer to do it alone. That way, he could make sure it didn’t hurt. He could explain, he could tell Hux he was sorry, he could hold him and kiss him and tell him…

“You hesitated,” Snoke said coldly. Kylo raised his head. Was Snoke making fun of him? “You can’t afford doubts. Doubts were the reason your grandfather failed. Doubts weaken you.”

“I was shocked,” Kylo murmured, “I never expected to be asked to kill General Hux.”

“Don’t question my orders, Kylo Ren,” Snoke snarled. “I will not have you hesitate before fulfilling tasks. You will finish your training with me. Set out immediately.”

“I will be ready in half an hour,” Kylo nodded.

“You won’t go see the General,” Snoke ordered, “neither will you pack your belongings. You will have everything you might need here. Take a TIE fighter and come to me alone.”

“Supreme Leader, I –“

“Do not try to negotiate!” Snoke cut him off. “You won’t see General Hux. He never cared about you anyway. It would have ended in tears and sorrow for you. I’m just trying to spare you pain.”

Kylo’s world went black and silent. Hux never liked him. Of course he didn’t- nobody really liked him. Hux just didn’t want him to destroy his equipment. And now he grew bored with him so he asked Snoke to send Ren away. Kylo tried to pretend he didn’t care, he wasn’t surprised, he wasn’t hurt. But he was. He felt he might survive going away with Snoke if he knew he had meant something to Hux. But he didn’t. Hux just wanted to use him – and Kylo was stupid enough to believe him when he said he needed Kylo.

“I will finish my training,” he said in a dull, broken voice. “I won’t hesitate again.”

“Very well.”

Tears ran down Kylo’s cheeks before he managed to turn around.

**Author's Note:**

> Someone stop me from giving Hux my own character traits.  
> Also thanks for reading.


End file.
